Latest NewsADHD, Feeling Capable but Not Confident: Understanding RSD

Feeling Capable but Not Confident. Does it sound familiar? In my work as a psychotherapist, I talk about anxiety, confidence, perfectionism, and procrastination every day. Helping people build confidence is something I feel deeply competent and passionate about. Recently, there has been a lot more discussion about ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can affect confidence.

In simple terms, rejection sensitivity is an intense emotional reaction to situations where we might feel observed, judged, criticised, or rejected. Most people experience this occasionally and move on fairly quickly. However, for many people with ADHD, the emotional response can feel much stronger and harder to shake off. For a long time, I avoided joining the growing “ADHD conversation.” In part because I was trying to keep my own experience private. I live with both dyslexia and ADHD, and for years I preferred to keep that in the background. But recently, I have been encouraged to speak more openly about it — and to share what I know professionally about how ADHD shapes the internal world and how people can learn to manage the challenges it brings.

So here we are. 

I know firsthand how much rejection sensitivity can soften when the right therapeutic techniques are used. But when social awkwardness, oversharing, anxiety, and self-doubt are added to the mix, even something as simple as meeting people can feel disproportionately demanding. After social or professional interactions, the exhaustion can be profound. Not just tired — but completely emotionally depleted.

ADHD is often described as attention deficit, distraction, or difficulty prioritising tasks. But in my experience, the real challenge is often something else: Intensity.

Intensity of emotions.
Intensity of thoughts.
Intensity of energy — or sometimes the sudden absence of it.

I often describe myself as “the passionate one.” The person who simply feels things more strongly. Learning to manage that emotional intensity was one of the most important things I had to learn. Because you can be competent, experienced, and highly capable, yet still feel as if everything requires more effort than it “should.” Often this is because old emotional patterns and unconscious beliefs are quietly driving reactions beneath the surface. ADHD does not necessarily create those beliefs — but it can amplify them. This is where confidence becomes complicated. I believe that confidence isn’t the absence of sensitivity; it’s the ability to move forward despite it.

For years I would start projects with vision and enthusiasm, only to struggle later with maintaining momentum and end up procrastinating instead. Sometimes this happened because of hyperfocus on the wrong detail, sometimes because a new and more interesting idea appeared, and sometimes because of the pressure to get everything perfect. Even when feedback was neutral, it could feel personal.

This is where Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can create a powerful internal spiral:

“People will judge my work.”
“It needs to be perfect.”
“I’ve got this wrong.”
“I should have known better.”,

“Maybe I’m not as capable as people think.”

That spiral often leads to overthinking, perfectionism, and eventually procrastination. It can look like avoidance or laziness from the outside. But internally, it is often a form of protection. Avoidance temporarily reduces emotional discomfort, but it also reinforces shame, self-doubt, and low mood, feeding the painful cycle of feeling like a failure.

Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be extremely helpful in identifying unhelpful thinking patterns. However, understanding something intellectually is not always enough. Many of these reactions are driven by unconscious emotional learning, not just conscious thoughts. This is where therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) can be particularly powerful. EMDR helps process the emotional charge behind certain experiences, allowing the nervous system to respond differently. Over time, this can reduce the intensity of rejection sensitivity, shorten recovery time after difficult situations, and make emotional reactions feel more manageable.

RSD may not disappear entirely. But it can become manageable enough that it no longer dictates decisions, blocks action, or undermines confidence. You can be sensitive and capable at the same time. And you can learn to work with your nervous system rather than constantly fighting against it.

I am still the passionate one. Just now with greater understanding, better tools, and far more internal control.